If I have a soulmate, I drove past him three years ago.
I have no idea what he looked like; I can’t remember anything about him. What I do remember is the face-reddening eye contact that we maintained as he stood on the sidewalk and my car slowly rolled down the street beside him. Those seven seconds stayed in my mind for the next few days. It was only when I remembered that my life is not a romance movie about whirlwind-star-crossed lovers that I stopped thinking about him. Kind of. Mostly.
Bundled within the “Community” section of the Craigslist website is a tab dedicated to situations exactly like this. You type in your zip code and a list of entries pops up. I have no idea when or how I found out about the Missed Connections page. It feels like I’ve always been aware of its existence, though only recently did I start scrolling through local entries. The Colorado Springs page is filled with love-at-first-sight stories that take place in the most mundane locations. There are a lot of entries from King Soopers, a few from Walgreens, one that happened on the van up to Pikes Peak, and a multitude of entries taking place at various gas stations—seemingly the spot to find the love of your life.
I’ve found it incredibly easy to become invested in one half of a love story. So many of the posts are filled with tiny, odd details about their interaction—or lack thereof—like a very specific garment or some sort of obscure nickname or a word that the lovelorn writer of the entry promises will mean something to the person they are trying to get into contact with. This makes every entry a little mystery. Although the purpose of Missed Connections is to cultivate meaningful connections, it’s also still Craigslist. There are no names attached to the posts, which, in a classically Craigslist-ian way, means that the creepiness of the platform often ends up outweighing its saccharinity. Anonymity allows for the deep and sometimes off-putting vulnerability that pops up in the entries.
10-06-19 you took my breath away Behind sonic on chelton and platte (Sonic Platte and chelton)
The odds are not good but I dont know What else to do.. I was pulling out as you were walking up the sidewalk... Your so beautiful I pulled back around to see if I could see you again no luck. I wish would of stopped .. Totally fucked this one up...
It’s sort of like an invitation to the universe, one step in sealing fate. An extremely low-stakes adventure with nothing to lose. I sometimes wonder if I would’ve posted about the sidewalk stranger if I had known about the platform three years ago. Would he have seen it? What if he posted about me?
Girl in Car
You drove past me today. Made weird eye contact. I’m intrigued.
It isn’t often that people receive responses. If they do, they probably aren’t the ones they are looking for. I reached out to the writer of every post included in this article but I didn’t receive any responses. I don’t blame them. I’m sure it’s wildly disappointing to expect an email from your soulmate and to receive an unsolicited one from a random college student instead.
The Missed Connections page has become a platform for the expression of “What ifs.” Just the ability to write them down and send them into the world anonymously is validating. It’s an opportunity for release, and when situated in the middle of a collection of entries from all over, it makes people feel less strange about their extended ruminations on a possible soulmate lost. Other people do this. It’s normal to feel the way I am feeling about this stranger.
Guy who walks his two dogs :)
To the handsome guy with the 2 dogs that walks around my street, we ran into each other a couple times but the first time was over a year ago, hopefully you see this or I run into you again soon (:
Donuts (Woodland Park)
Went and got donuts this morning. Beautiful red hair and nice pants. Hope you see this
It’s human to dwell on the “What if?” because we are taught that love happens like that. A single moment where two pairs of eyes lock and suddenly everything is in slow motion and “Lady in Red” is playing in the background. We learn from a young age that love is supposed to be fate-driven, deeply cinematic, and magical. Movies and TV shows depict perfect, unique connections between two complete strangers. And while many of us know that this isn’t really how romantic love works, sometimes we just can’t help but get swept up in the seduction of it anyway.
2016 CO Ren Fest
About 3 years ago at the renaissance festival I met one of the guys who worked at an oil booth that sold perfumes and what not; his name tag said “moose” he was flirting with me but I’m so awkward and I think I “sent him the wrong message” that I wasn’t interested! I don’t know if he lives in CO or not but I’d like to get in contact with this guy!!!
There are times when I question the rationale of the people who post on this platform. Are they motivated by extreme loneliness? The act of creating a post on Missed Connections feels like a radical attempt to transform a mundane interaction into something hugely significant and I sort of get it. As ridiculous as it seems, it’s an appeal to the most vulnerable aspects of a person. It is the part of a person that wants someone to love them the way people love each other in movies. It’s the part of myself that doesn’t really believe in the concept of “falling in love,” but still secretly hopes that something like it exists.
Clarity (Now)
I finally got it today. I thought you were my soulmate but once I sat back it hit me at once. What you knew this whole time I'm a sitting fool. Lets be honest I didn't have it in the first place it was someone else's when we met 2yrs ago. I should have left the moment I knew about him whether his there now or not. This is not to rag on you beautiful lady it's to thank you and say goodbye.
You were meant for me but not for a lifetime. You weren't made to be tied down. This whole time I waited on you but you were never coming. It has taught me to let go and how to heal in a healthy way. Even though no one will ever replace you I don't want them to, I want to advance past you.
Love always S
Ps I will always wish that you can see you the way I saw you.
It doesn’t often work, and most users are aware of this. Sometimes it’s evident that the writer of an entry doesn’t necessarily expect it or even want it to work. The page becomes more for the person writing than for the person being written about.
You (Cs)
I think about you all the time. I ask myself if this is what was ment to be
Regret
If I can go back in time, I would have never of fallen for you. I regret the day I walked into your life. Now I’m stuck!
Some of the entries, like this one, read like they belong in a personal journal. It seems to be a little more impactful than writing in a diary, because the author of the entry knows that someone will read it. Whether or not this someone is the person doesn’t really matter. In these cases, the platform is a device used to express deep vulnerability to somebody else in the world without having to say it aloud in real life.
After looking through a handful of Colorado Springs Missed Connection posts, I searched the page for posts from my own city, Los Angeles. The difference in content and intention of the posts I found by using the LA and other big city zip codes was not surprising. These posts are definitely less wholesome. In LA, Chicago, and New York, the platform shifts into something even stranger, filled with blatant, sexual, and outlandish requests and offers. Some of them are baffling.
Husband’s permission today
Hi guys,,
Husband is aware. So upfront about that.First time attempting this. He will NOT be present. Will be at a hotel PLS HIT ME YOUR PIC IN MY PERSONAL MAIL
We need to hold hands (San Pedro)
I walk along the cliffs overlooking the ocean with Waldo my bulldog
He won’t hold my hand
Will you??
Wonderful man needs lady
Rub my Feet?
hi handsome white guy here who is str8 looking to meet up for a foot rub. I'd like to sit back and have you rub my feet. I have size 11 feet, soft and very clean. I just like to have them massaged. Please be able to host or know of a secluded place to meet.
It makes sense that an anonymous platform would warrant itself to the expression of desires societally deemed shameful. Yes, people write about meeting their soulmates in the cereal aisle of Vons and falling in love at first sight, but amongst those are also the posts about threesomes and foot jobs.
hey Cowboy~(everywhere…)
Its been a few years since we went our own ways. I was pretty sure when I left that you'd be easy to forget but the memories of our cardboard box home down by the river and living the wild life has left a huge gap in my soul. Whispering well wishes into the wind…
Craigslist offers lonely hearts a platform where longing, missing, guilty pleasures, regret, and desire are all fair game. Anonymity allows people to engage with the page without shame, giving them the courage to post and admit things they wouldn’t anywhere else, for better and for worse. It’s like a massive diary, entirely shared by strangers.
Jess (West Side)
It’s getting colder now and I miss cuddling with you. I miss a lot of things about you. But things got too crazy last time. There’s a lot of things I don’t miss. I hope you have found your way.
-J
I want these people to find their person. And if not West Side Jess or Cowboy who is everywhere … I hope they find their person in someone else.
Missed Connections is horrifying at times, filled with grotesqueness and obscenity, and lovely and uplifting at others. Some use it to express desires they’d never ask for openly in their real lives. Some hope it will aid them in finding that special person they saw on the train, the one with the nice button up shirt who made them believe in destiny for the first time. Others use it to discuss their own insecurities and mistakes, finding catharsis in their public, yet anonymous, words. Some use it to address someone they used to know and love, admitting things they never had the courage to admit in person.
It’s bizarre, but so are most people, including myself.
Boy on the Sidewalk (a Long Time Ago)
Passed you in my car about three years ago. There was intense eye contact.
Just wanted to say hi.
Mommy Issue | December 2019